I am really feel drawn to write a blog on friendships about some healthy and unhealthy behaviours that can occur. So as we head through life we will have friendship that will come and go and some will stay, and some will be with us through a certain experience and then leave when the lesson has been taught.
A healthy friendship will have a few specific characteristics to it.
There will always be respect, for you, for your time, your feelings, and this will be a two way street.
A healthy friendship will give you the space to be exactly who you are without judgement.
There will be respect for your “NO”
There will be support, there will be love, kindness and compassion.
There will also be honesty, space for you to be real ( always with kindness of course) and for them to be real with you. ( Again always with kindness)
People who hold you when it’s shit
People who celebrate your successes.
People who love you without condition,
People who seek you out as much as you seek them.
A few things that will exist in unhealthy relationships.
Using of any kind. People using you, befriending you because of who you are, what you can do for them or teach them.
People being aggressive and forcing their point of view on you. There is enough space for everyone to have an opinion and it be respected even if you don’t agree.
Violence of any kind.
Friends who are passive aggressive and expect that everything is done their way -because it’s the “right” way.
Friends who manipulate you with love and kindness when you are complying with them throwing in” I love you’s” To give you the illusion of genuine love and when you don’t comply/ do what they expect – the affection is removed. ( conditional love)
People who tell your story to others, without your permission. ( This is gossip)
People you have to chase. Are you the one calling them all the time? When was the last time they invited you out for a coffee?
People who think text message is a whole relationship and have no interest in actually communicating with you to grow the relationship.
People who place the entire responsibility of the relationship on your shoulders.
People who can’t make a decision without you.
Friends who blame you when something goes wrong in their lives.
People who can’t say “I’m sorry.”
People who are unable to own their behaviour.
We all make mistakes, is responsibility being taken for these mistakes?
People who can’t celebrate your successes.
Anyone who makes you feel energetically ill in their presence.
We are becoming so much more aware now of what we are worth, what our responsibilities actually are (and yes we do have some in every situations) what it means to be healthy and what that might look like for us personally. Now lots of the above can be applied to every relationship you have and while the family stuff can be somewhat trickier to navigate, it is important to know clearly there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy and to then start to look at the relationships in your life. You are responsible for the energy you allow into your space and your life.
Does anything from the unhealthy list ring a bell?
If the said person is unable to change/ take responsibility for their behaviour, you have to take responsibility for what you allow into your space. If this is a friend who you do really love, and are feeling like you would like to have the opportunity to correct what is going on and change the way the two of you are interacting, that’s great you are being honest with yourself that this person means something to you.
Have a conversation with them, see if you are able to discuss the issues that are in front of you both. Perhaps you are viewing it from one perspective and they are viewing it from another. Perhaps an honest accountable conversation is enough to correct the lines of energy and allow you to both take responsibility and stand in your power and have a respectful friendship moving forward.
Please keep in mind the minute you become responsible for initiating these conversations repeatedly ( and let’s be honest it’s never easy to have this type of conversation – it takes courage) this is not ok. There is something seriously off and you are being left to take responsibility for the relationship. This is unbalanced.
There is a saying friendships are for either a season, reason or a lifetime. The lifetime kind are very few and far between, and a person is not to be judged for how many of these they seemingly have or do not have. When you embark on your spiritual journey quite often you will go through many friendships as you grow and mature, discovering who you are. If you were raised in any form of abuse as a child, quite often you will attract people who you need to assert yourself from as part of your own learning and growing. This is not personal – it is part of your soul’s growth. Lots of our friendships when we look through a spiritual lense is either karmic or contract based, we are in a time where we are aware, we are spiritual, and we know we have the responsibility to clean up messes we have previously made ( not just in this life but previous incarnations also) And this involves the people around us also.
Yes we need to clear up our stuff, being able to view or having a healer who can view past lives is very helpful. It can help us to understand where we do actually have responsibility and where we don’t. In being able to view past lives it makes it very easy, to contribute the energy needed to take responsibility whatever that may mean. ( every situation will be different)
Take responsibility for your energy, own what energy you are placing and contributing into your relationships, apologise if you need to (no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes) and love yourself and those who gift you with their time, love and respect.